As a woman who’s been in and out of the online dating scene for many years, I feel like I’ve seen it all. I won’t go into a ton of detail just yet, I mean, I do have to save something for future posts. What I will say is that a great deal of the crazy stories I’ve amassed came completely out of the blue. They snuck up on me while I was out on coffee dates, or even while I was in the process of becoming intimate with men I thought were totally vanilla. And why did their kinky leanings come as a shock to me? Simple: their online profiles said things like “easy going, laid back and adventurous”. How was I to know that was was actually code for “dominant, sadomasochistic slave-driver?” In short, I think it’s very important to reveal your kinky desires in your online dating profile, or at the very least get them out in the open before you arrange a first date and here’s why…
Consent Is at the Heart of Kink
Those of you who consider yourselves kink enthusiasts are probably well educated about the importance of consent when it comes to role playing or any other form of sexual exploration. I’m sure you know that without consent, sex of any kind is not okay, and that springing something kinky on an unsuspecting partner actually amounts to non-consensual activity. That said, I do realize there’s a big difference between misrepresenting yourself in an online dating profile and say… choking your partner without permission. If you don’t want to reveal that much of yourself over the internet, fine. But you should at least be willing to discuss your desires early on, before you and your partner invest any real time or energy in things. The bottom line is that conflicting ideas about what you’re comfortable with in the sack is a deal breaker, so why waste everybody’s time?
You Don’t Want to Come Across as Creepy
My friend and I once had a discussion about what makes a guy creepy. The number one thing we could agree on is that creepiness is the by-product of deception and insincerity. If you’re meeting a lady for the first time and she has no idea that you would like to tie her up and feed her bananas while your roommate jacks you off with a handful of the discarded peels, YOU my friend are going to come across as creepy. I can guarantee she’ll notice your furtive glance as you try to calculate the number of bananas you might be able to shove into her mouth at once, and it will make her skin crawl. Why not be totally upfront about it? If you’re a decent guy, what have you got to lose? Own that kinky part of yourself and express it with pride.
If You Ask for It, You just Might Get It
Maybe you’re thinking that I’m full of shit, that no seemingly decent guy would even consider asking for the ole frosted banana parfait (or whatever you kids are calling it these days.)But what if you took a chance and put it all out there into the vast universe of the internet, only to discover that there’s a whole community of parfait enthusiasts who would love nothing more than to fulfil your every last banana-jamming fantasy? Wouldn’t you just love to get a piece of that? Wouldn’t you honestly prefer to find the right people and get your needs met, rather than try, time and time again to fit your banana-round peg into the square mouth of some poor, unsuspecting stranger? Of course you would. Because you’re not an asshole! Be up front about your kinky desires right from the start and you’ll be happier for it.
If you are on a mainstream site like OKcupid and fell uncomfortable sharing your fetish or sexual proclivities, think about joining a niche site such as BDSMdate.com, where everyone is kinky!